There's no such thing as a perfect life, but there are perfectly hilarious moments. The best stories are often about the lowest points in our lives - the soul-crushing jobs, the bad boyfriends, the terrible holidays, the betrayals and heartbreaks. These are the stories I tell people to make them like me, but, more importantly, they've helped me learn how to like myself. So this book is a collection of thankyous and acknowledgments: Thank you to an ex-lover who marvelled at the fact he could get hard with me, even though I wasn't up to his usual standard. Thank you to the coked-up real estate agent who, while lecturing me and my friend about the importance of travelling, fell down a flight of stairs. Thank you to the woman who approached me after a gig and told me she hoped her daughter wouldn't end up like me. You've all taught me that you can't control who comes into your life or what happens to you, but you can decide just what it is you take from them.